Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
