YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
