This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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