Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize