I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't turn off my feet"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
