it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
