you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
