no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
