I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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