My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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