apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
