I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
