I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Alive.
So much puke
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
