I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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