she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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