After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
