she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
