why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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