I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize