when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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