Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
