I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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