He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
