it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
