I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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