Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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