sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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