I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
