WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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