Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
