tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize