Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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