I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
