You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
