I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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