Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You need Xanax blowdarts
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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