His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
