She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
