Your mouth is God's brothel.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
