i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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