And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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