the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize