i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
