I look better un-naked...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
