A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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