Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
