he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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