I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
