My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
