it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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