he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
