I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
