so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
