I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
