May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
