i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
