finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
