i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
