I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
