I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize