ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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