Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
