she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
