His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
