Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
