sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
