I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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